You smell like a Billy Joel song
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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