He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
