I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
