bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
