my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize