Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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