Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I FOUND THE LEGS
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
