All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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