Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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