I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
