FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
