I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
