she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
