Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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