I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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