A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
