oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize