just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
