so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
