He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
