everyone is single if you try hard enough
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
