Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
