so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
