It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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