So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize