while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
