Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
