why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
