We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Randomize
