I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Randomize
