I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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