I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
