Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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