drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
