i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
