The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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