I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
