she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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