i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
