She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I have post one night stand depression
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