I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
