youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is Oprah even human
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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