I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I look better un-naked...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She just used a chaser for red wine.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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