just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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