After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
