So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
FUCK WHALES
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
