Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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