Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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