I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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