No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
