Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Ladies don't puke and tell
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
