I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
