butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
