I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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