I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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