Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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