Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
