insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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