Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
