why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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