Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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