Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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