sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize