I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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