i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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