nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
