around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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