We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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