there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
