Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
