the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize