Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
