Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
