I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I need a burrito and a hug.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
