I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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