Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
