why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
