My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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