Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
