Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
