he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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