i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
