Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
