So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
