Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
