i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
