Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
