hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
