It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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