There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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