GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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