mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize