He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
