It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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