i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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