I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
