If i could tip my vagina, i would.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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