i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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