I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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