dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize