Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
