Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
