You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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