...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
